Foreword

Introduction

THE PROBLEM

Chapter 1: Meltdowns: When rewards and punishments are not enough

• What is a meltdown?
• The usual parenting advice: start with rules and consequences
• The limits of discipline: when rewards and punishments no longer work
• But aren't meltdowns just manipulative behavior?
• Can we really expect no more meltdowns?
• An overview of the four-step model for reducing meltdowns

Chapter 2: What are meltdowns made of?

• Fight, flight or freeze response
• Temperament
• Difficulties with abstract thinking and perspective taking
• Inflexibility
• An explosive combination

THE SOLUTION

Chapter 3: Accepting and appreciating our children

• Controlling our own frustration
• Building competence
• Avoiding learned helplessness
• The 80/20 rule
• Anticipating frustration as part of learning
• When to avoid power struggles

Chapter 4: De-escalating a meltdown

• How to de-escalate a meltdown
• Distractions
• When too much distraction can make things worse
• Helping children find their own distractions and calming strategies
• Steps for creating self-calming strategies

Chapter 5: Understanding why repeat problems occur

Understanding the triggers

• The ABCs of behavior: Antecedent, Behavior, Consequence
• Getting the ABCs: Interviews and observations
• Seeing the pattern

Chapter 6: Creating a prevention plan

• The components of a good prevention plan
• A prevention plan for Kevin
• The four types of meltdown situations
• Plans for the Four Types of Meltdown Situations

Chapter 7: Demands

• Do your schoolwork
• Try it, it's delicious
• Hurry up, the bus is coming
• Clean up
• Let's go to the party

Chapter 8: Waiting

• Just wait
• You can't always get what you want
• Okay, time to stop playing

Chapter 9: Threats to self-image

• Winning isn't everything
• It's okay to make mistakes
• But names will never hurt you

Chapter 10: Unmet wishes for attention

• I can't play with you now
• Don't be jealous
• Time to go to bed

Chapter 11: Closing thoughts: Finding your own way

• Prevention plan form

References