Shame has a bad reputation. We have all experienced how feelings of shame have limited and silenced us. No wonder most of us are ready to do a lot to get rid of the discomfort. Therefore, the message of this book may seem surprising, as it suggests that with another approach; feelings of shame can be transformed into care and compassion. The author claims that the better we understand the development of humans, the more compassion or care we will experience. Instead of shaming and blaming we can relate in a more helpful way.
Some benefits of befriending shame:
we can more easily say no to things we don't want, without being
destroyed if someone calls us selfish or cold.
we can say yes to things we dream of, without having to be perfect.
we grow in empathy as we more clearly understand the discomfort.
gives adults a chance to be role models for children in dealing with
strong and uncomfortable emotions.
"Unmasking Shame" explores how to unmask the cultural taboo of shame. It provides a map of our development and is based on developmental theories as well as Nonviolent Communication (NVC). The man behind NVC, Marshall Rosenberg, often said, "never do anything to avoid shame". This book is marinated in that suggestion. A book that shows how the complex feelings of shame affect us as children, teenagers and adults.